Prince Charming

Ahhhh... Men. They think they don't understand us, yet they don't realize we are JUST as confused about them!

...But I suppose when you're in a relationship, you find security in knowing that someone understands enough about you that he/she is willing to be confused by you, and only you. This is why (emotional) communication is SO important. It nips that confusion right in the butt (yes, butt, not bud). It gets exponentially more confusing when you're just dating. When you're dating it's hard to trust the other person with the strange inner workings of your mind, however, that isn't that what dating is? Putting yourself out there and hoping the outcome is positive.

Ah... If only I could take my own advice. A couple times I've had a positive outcome, hell, I even fell in love once, and lived to love again! Yet with age, and small town living... I fear I've become jaded. My pessimism and walls save me from carrying on any emotional attachment. It doesn't mean I'm completely cold hearted. I feel things but I'm hesitant to voice them because I'm aware of the fragility of dating. I feel comfort in security, knowing where I, and the other person stand. Dating isn't secure so obviously it leaves me feeling insecure.

*******Subject Change*******

I'm friends with my exes, the ones that are actually good people (sometimes that makes prospects feel a little insecure. Pfft! Get over it. I'm more loyal than a golden retriever). The only drawback of being freshly transitioned from significant other to just friends is this: Reminders or conversations about what went wrong or romantic nostalgia. For example, and what originally gave me the spark to start this rant; my ex wished me Happy Easter by starting with, "I'm not sure you celebrate but..." Being agnostic to my Christian ex always made me feel like I was some sort of alien in his mind. This text made me feel no different. Watch out! I'm green, bug eyed, my nogin is ten times bigger than my punie body, and I'm here to rid you of your christian beliefs so you can come to the dark, agnostic side. No! I was always understanding of him and I know he tried his best to be understanding of mine but, I still felt alien-like.

The holiday apparently sparked the memory in his head of what went wrong and I got the text to remind me too. Oh joy! He reminded me that the not going to church and being "faithless" was essentially a deal breaker but other than that, I have great qualities. Then he ended with, "You're a great person." I haven't responded. I don't want to go down this nostalgic road. I am perfectly aware of what our differences, were and what went wrong (he became emotionally unavailable. Surprise, surprise. That's my M O apparently).

In his defense, he was always really good about being honest and talking out feelings with me. We both appreciated that about the other and that is probably why our breakup was so easy...and so hard. So, I'm not mad at him for telling me what he thinks because I know he trusts me. My only quarrel is that on EASTER my religious views are being slapped in my face and made to sound as if it was the ONLY reason we broke up. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be with him again, it's just not a great feeling to be reminded you weren't good enough for someone.

Lastly, a small thought popped into my head, "Did he mean that as a twisted compliment? That he expects all agnostic people to be bad people with terrible qualities?" I stopped myself. I have now thought WAY too much about this. He's a great guy but now, more than ever, I am glad that we are JUST friends.

*whew*